I’ll drink to that…

What do nylon socks have in common with public transport?  Nothing.  And it is with this same logic that Australia’s Government has adopted in addressing binge drinking.  You see, they have slapped a massive tax on ready-to-drink alcoholic beverages (ie, alco-pops). 

My understanding of alcoholics is limited to having watched the movies Arthur and Trading Places but I do feel confident in drawing the following conclusions:

1. If a can of bourbon and coke is all of a sudden 25% more expensive it is fair to assume that punters will go out and buy their own bourbon and their own coke.  They are already doing it aided with the knowledge that the constituents are somewhat intuitive.

i2. Perhaps the problem lies in allowing 24hr multi-storey drink barns to operate.  Ever notice you can replicate a full pub crawl across several bars spread over multipe floors and varying themes.  No barman would ever have to serve you twice – handy for avoiding those pesty do-gooder barmen trying to exercise responsible serving of alcohol.   Thankfully, there are also no windows or clocks ensuring that your good times and drinking are not disrupted by reminders of what day it is.  Best of all, you only have to contend with the one bouncer at the start of the night.  You can be completely off your nut but as long as you can still remember your PIN number, you’re in! 

3. Prohibtion doesn’t work – Learnt that from watching The Untouchables.

The Donut King – Alan Moss

A year after the Australian press expressed its disgust with the $30m paycheck for Macquarie chief Alan Moss, they are at it again.  With Alan Moss’ income hitting $80m this year (including his retirement kicker), the media and politicians are at it again.  This time they demanding for something they call ‘pay restraint’.  As the idea suggests, it involves individuals suggesting to employers that to perhaps not pay them so much given the amount may be well in excess of they what they actually require.  Sounds great…. if you are an incense sniffing, butterfly loving, rice burning, ant saving monk in the middle of a rice patty.

Should it be of a concern then that the man who has replaced Alan Moss is Nick Moore, whose name sounds more like the Macquarie mission statement rather than a name?…

Ed Hardy must go…

Ed Hardy must burn down.  Ed Hardy for those who are not aware is a retailer for the fashion unconscious and visually impaired.  I don’t know much about FBI profiling of perpretrators but I can only imagine that the genius behind the label is an overweight, floral tracksuit wearing (with optional floral leggings), infomercial loving insomniac with a credit card and passion for the bedazzler and a 6 year old daughter with too much freedom with her pastels. 

High Hopes…

Ever get the feeling that you are getting sold short?  Consider the Mr Jeans store in Sydney that just sells shoes, the insert in the Sydney Morning Herald called Essentials that promotes anything but (unless of course you can’t get even contemplate getting up in the morning without bespoke napkin rings), the Toyota Soarer that is probably more appropriately named the Not As Fast As Some, the Never Ending Story that runs for 90 minutes…

Clover Moore Fundraiser

What’s the biggest parking fine you have ever seen?  How does it compare to $397?  Granted I mistakenly parked in a disabled spot but please consider the following: 1) It was on my 50cc scooter which is only 60cm wide; 2) I actually parked between 2 spots so didn’t physically obstruct anyone from from using the spots; 3) The spots are usually inhabited by courier vans or utilities [perhaps Sydney does have the highest concentration physically disabled tradesmen/couriers in the world].

So Clover Moore, you wonder why Sydney is going backwards at rates of knots…

There are 496 motorbike parking spots in Sydney CBD.  I don’t know much about know much about town planning but in a city of 300,000 workers, 28,000 residents and thousands of daily visitors, 496 doesn’t sound great.  Especially when you consider that Sydney is drowning under the weight of too many cars relying on outdated infrastructure.  It’s akin to boasting about having 3 steaks for your 25 mates that are coming around for a BBQ.

My question to Sydney’s mayor Clover Moore is to justify the $397 figure.  I would have gotten the same fine if I had been driving a Hummer and taken up 2 spots.  It would have been cheaper to just get it towed.  Actually, at only 90kg you could have saved the towing costs and just picked it up to  move it.  Perhaps one of these disabled tradies could have given a hand.

At $397 that equates to almost 3 years of petrol money, 10 zimmer frames, 6 weeks of physiotherapy or a pair of extreme prescription glasses for the practically blind.

Perhaps I wouldn’t take such issue if I actually felt as though Sydney City Council was actually good at spending money in a constructive way….(see previous blog on Clover Moore’s floral aspirations)… 

Should I be worried when…?

when furniture stores that offer 4 year interest free deals start to get customers wanting to return furniture once the interest has kicked in as they can’t meet the repayments?

when my bank is actually offering me reward points for paying off my credit card debt?

when my newspaper instructs me “What to do if you’re about to lose your home”?

when I’m offered credit cards as impulse buys at train stations or airports by a bloke in a suit and white socks?

when my bank’s call centre congratulates me on being able to increase my credit card limit when I just called to get my on-line log-in details?

when house auctions try and draw out starting bids by offering free bottles of red wine? 

Futuris – Groundhog Day

Futuris is one of Australia’s listed agricultural stocks.  It’s a diverse business that is trying to be everything to Australia’s farmers – retailer of farm products, insurer, plantation operator offering tax effective respite, an auto parts business and grain aggregator.  Unfortunately that doesn’t include being an investment grade stock pick.  Consider that since of 2005 the stock has delivered a 6% annualised return compared to 17% for the market.

Furthermore, if you have seen one of their management presentations you’ve seen them all.  The story remains the same but nothing ever progresses.  The only thing that changes is the menu and my increasing frustration at not being a coffee drinker.

That said, given that Australia is coming out of one its longest droughts and that China’s appetite for soft commodities can only increase, it becomes clear that it is the agricultural sector’s time to shine…and frustratingly Futuris will likely be taken along for the ride almost by default.  My money, however, is on the likes of Incitec Pivot that actually have quality management, greater leverage to the ag cycle and have a commendable track record.

Bogan-Again Australians

Aussies love a battler and there is no greater battler than your suburban bogan.  So strong is our affection for the humble bogan that we have even elected a bloke called Kev to run the country, we have exported the bogan’s car of choice – the Monaro – to the rest of the world, we gave ugg boots to Britney, we gave Wimbledon Lleyton and presented Hollywood with Eric Bana and Rusty Crowe. 

Hot Wheels…

I have entered into the fast lane…and all it took was a journey through 15 postcodes, 2 bridges, a Game Boy and a washer.  By the end, all restrictions were off.  Finally my Italian steed would roam free.  My 50cc Aprilia has come of age and accordingly became unrestricted…So, it’s goodbye to the 50km/h cap and hello windburn.  To celebrate life in the faster lane I even purchased a genuine riding jacket with actual padding rather than sown on elbow patches.  Now, where do you get racing stripes?

Flowers for Clover Moore

Flowers die.  They send a message of love, thanks, appreciation or remorse…and then they die after a week or so.  With that in mind I continue to marvel at the decision of Sydney’s Lord Mayor to use her budget to place 8 foot conical flower planters in select streets of East Sydney.  Here is a quick top 5 thoughts for beautifying Sydney that may have a greater time horizon than 3 weeks:

1. Close the 24 hour bars on Oxford St that have ambulances and police cars seemingly permanently parked outside their front doors.

2. The first point will move drug and alcohol affected revellers on home rather than drift through the area smashing glass bottles, fighting and vandalising. 

3. Clear up the area of the of vagrants drinking, urinating and passing out on Oxford St.

4. The city end of Oxford St gets cleaned several times a week but can’t lose that dirty feel. Remove the thousands of blackened chewing gum marks on the ground. 

5. Get cars and buses off the street.  Improve public transport (rail & light rail) and encourage cyclists and motorbikes. 

No-one’s quality of life ever improved by walking past a planter box.  Make a difference Clover!  Don’t waste money dolling up the street of your favourite coffee shop for 3 weeks.