I’ll drink to that…

What do nylon socks have in common with public transport?  Nothing.  And it is with this same logic that Australia’s Government has adopted in addressing binge drinking.  You see, they have slapped a massive tax on ready-to-drink alcoholic beverages (ie, alco-pops). 

My understanding of alcoholics is limited to having watched the movies Arthur and Trading Places but I do feel confident in drawing the following conclusions:

1. If a can of bourbon and coke is all of a sudden 25% more expensive it is fair to assume that punters will go out and buy their own bourbon and their own coke.  They are already doing it aided with the knowledge that the constituents are somewhat intuitive.

i2. Perhaps the problem lies in allowing 24hr multi-storey drink barns to operate.  Ever notice you can replicate a full pub crawl across several bars spread over multipe floors and varying themes.  No barman would ever have to serve you twice – handy for avoiding those pesty do-gooder barmen trying to exercise responsible serving of alcohol.   Thankfully, there are also no windows or clocks ensuring that your good times and drinking are not disrupted by reminders of what day it is.  Best of all, you only have to contend with the one bouncer at the start of the night.  You can be completely off your nut but as long as you can still remember your PIN number, you’re in! 

3. Prohibtion doesn’t work – Learnt that from watching The Untouchables.

Ed Hardy must go…

Ed Hardy must burn down.  Ed Hardy for those who are not aware is a retailer for the fashion unconscious and visually impaired.  I don’t know much about FBI profiling of perpretrators but I can only imagine that the genius behind the label is an overweight, floral tracksuit wearing (with optional floral leggings), infomercial loving insomniac with a credit card and passion for the bedazzler and a 6 year old daughter with too much freedom with her pastels. 

High Hopes…

Ever get the feeling that you are getting sold short?  Consider the Mr Jeans store in Sydney that just sells shoes, the insert in the Sydney Morning Herald called Essentials that promotes anything but (unless of course you can’t get even contemplate getting up in the morning without bespoke napkin rings), the Toyota Soarer that is probably more appropriately named the Not As Fast As Some, the Never Ending Story that runs for 90 minutes…

Should I be worried when…?

when furniture stores that offer 4 year interest free deals start to get customers wanting to return furniture once the interest has kicked in as they can’t meet the repayments?

when my bank is actually offering me reward points for paying off my credit card debt?

when my newspaper instructs me “What to do if you’re about to lose your home”?

when I’m offered credit cards as impulse buys at train stations or airports by a bloke in a suit and white socks?

when my bank’s call centre congratulates me on being able to increase my credit card limit when I just called to get my on-line log-in details?

when house auctions try and draw out starting bids by offering free bottles of red wine? 

Bogan-Again Australians

Aussies love a battler and there is no greater battler than your suburban bogan.  So strong is our affection for the humble bogan that we have even elected a bloke called Kev to run the country, we have exported the bogan’s car of choice – the Monaro – to the rest of the world, we gave ugg boots to Britney, we gave Wimbledon Lleyton and presented Hollywood with Eric Bana and Rusty Crowe. 

Flowers for Clover Moore

Flowers die.  They send a message of love, thanks, appreciation or remorse…and then they die after a week or so.  With that in mind I continue to marvel at the decision of Sydney’s Lord Mayor to use her budget to place 8 foot conical flower planters in select streets of East Sydney.  Here is a quick top 5 thoughts for beautifying Sydney that may have a greater time horizon than 3 weeks:

1. Close the 24 hour bars on Oxford St that have ambulances and police cars seemingly permanently parked outside their front doors.

2. The first point will move drug and alcohol affected revellers on home rather than drift through the area smashing glass bottles, fighting and vandalising. 

3. Clear up the area of the of vagrants drinking, urinating and passing out on Oxford St.

4. The city end of Oxford St gets cleaned several times a week but can’t lose that dirty feel. Remove the thousands of blackened chewing gum marks on the ground. 

5. Get cars and buses off the street.  Improve public transport (rail & light rail) and encourage cyclists and motorbikes. 

No-one’s quality of life ever improved by walking past a planter box.  Make a difference Clover!  Don’t waste money dolling up the street of your favourite coffee shop for 3 weeks.

Religion in a nutshell

Religion…it really isn’t that hard.  At best it should simply be a reminder to be a good person to other people.  Ie, help those less fortunate and believe in reciprocity – “do not do unto others as you would expect they should do unto you”.

What religion should not be, is a business.  Be wary of religions with an ABN (ie, an Australian Business Number).  Be wary of religions that were conceived in the last thousand years.  Be wary of religions that are just record labels in disguise.  Be wary of religions that encourage its followers to lead their lives to the letter of the law established thousands of years ago.

Religion is about reminding you about what it is all about.  If you want spirituality, help someone out – offer assistance when you see an accident, help someone with a pram up the stairs, buy a Big Issue (and then recycle it), do some volunteer work, stop and chat to a homeless person, offer to share your cab with someone else in the queue who is going in the same direction, buy toys for a children’s hospital – that’s spirituality.  And best of all, you don’t need to buy a CD, wear isolating apparel or give up a percent of your salary.

View from the other side…

Just when you think think you are already living the dream (ie, corporate boxes at the footy, interstate travel to take clients to the theatre or dinner, lunches at over-hyped restaurants whose bills could save an African village, free concert tickets, etc),  you get an insight into yet another level privy only for the elite.

I had the pleasure of travelling interstate with a senior colleague who is still reaping the rewards of a stellar corporate career.  Welcome to the world of the Chairman’s Lounge. 

I arrived early at the airport.  Checked in.  Got my boarding  pass.  Seat 57F.  I thought I had a win with an aisle seat.

After meeting my colleague, she urged I come with her.  We went upstairs towards the lounge reserved for frequent flyers but rather than head in the main doors we marched through a second unmarked, non-descript door.  This was the secret realm of the priviledged set aside for the heads of corporate Australia.  Membership is by invitation only.

The receptionist greeted us with a welcome smile.  While she confirmed our details we confirmed our way to the food.  Breakfast, anti pasto, desserts, fine wines, beers it was all there.  If there was one set back it was the size of the plates.  The idea of trying to feed someone 6″2 weighing in at over 90kg with nothing more than a sideplate is unconstitutional and somewhat inconvenient as I concluded on my 14th visit to the buffet.

After some time, the receptionist approached us referring to us by our surnames alerting us that our flight was just about ready to depart.  She handed over our boarding passes.  As I jokingly bid farewell to my colleague on the assumption that she would be sitting at the pointy end of the plane and I was heading towards 57F, I looked at my boarding pass…1E.  Life just got that little bit better.  Needless to say I have asked my colleague if she would consider coming to Fiji with my family.

What happens at four strikes?

The Australian listed Healthcare Sector is somewhat bipolar.  At one end you have global dominating powerhouses like Cochlear (hearing devices), Sonic Healthcare (pathology) and CSL (plasma products & vaccines).  At the other extreme lies Sigma Healthcare (ticker SIP)…victim of mismangement and misguided ego. 

In under a year SIP has transformed itself from being an industry leader to being  a basket case.  SIP’s nightmare began when it acquired Arrow Pharmaceuticals, Australia’s leading generic drug manufacturer, from the Duchen family.  SIP offered big discounts to its customers (ie, pharmacies) through its wholesaling business in order to shore up market share.  The idea was it would more than make up for it via its foray into generics.

Enter Ranbaxy, India’s deep pocketed generic drug manufacturer, which came into the Australian market and destroyed the pricing environment through deep discounting.

Then there was the bungled bid for rival Symbion. 

This was followed by a mismanaged buyback of the Duchen’s SIP stake.

And then there have been 2 successive profit downgrades in the space of 8 weeks as the discounting in the generic space showed no sign of easing.

Management credibility is a fragile thing.  With the departure of the CFO and the Financial Controller and a CEO whose guidance is as useless as a tablet labelled Placebo, something has to give.

As a final insult to injury, the CEO has not turned up to investor presentations at exactly the time when he needs to be doing the most to try and muster some reassurance.  As my grandmother used to say, “Shit or get off the pot!”.  It’s time to go.

Paper chase…

“98% say no to pulp mill”.  A seemingly overwhelming statistic opposing the proposed pulp mill to be built in Tasmania driven undoubtedly by environmental concerns.  The headline would have carried a greater ammunition had it actually appeared in a local Tasmanian newspaper reflecting the views of Tasmanians rather than appearing in the Wentworth Courier reflecting the views of those living in the largest carbon footprint in some of the wealthiest suburbs in Australia.  Tasmania is after all wine and scallop country…